A reflection

4 months has passed since my life was drastically turned upside down. I went home from Canada with excitement, but was met with terrible and awful news. I remember those nights when I can't even sleep because all I kept thinking about was what happened? Why did this happen? What did I do? Too many what ifs. Too many thoughts running through my mind. I cried, I wept, I was angry, I was in denial, you name it.

“Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.” - Matt Groening

Things change. I made mistakes, he made mistakes. It just wasn't right anymore. Too many reasons why things ended the way it did, but you know, each passing day is a moment of new beginnings. Time is indeed a great healer.

I have to be honest, I was a disaster then. But I'm not the type of person who would let these bad things control my life. After some time, I made a conscious effort and a brave decision - to start my new life. There is no point on dwelling on the past. I cannot live in the past. But, I can learn from it and be a better person. And it has paid off so much.

Since then, I've met new people, became more active, focused more on myself. I've realized that being happy doesn't depend on having a special someone in your life. In fact, I have been taking this time to reflect on myself. I want to make myself a better person. A broken me isn't any good. I remember looking like hell before, but now, I look so much happier compared to then. I feel so much better too! There's this feeling of relief perhaps? That I'm finally ok.

As I was reading one of the articles from Relevant Magazine, here's something that struck me the most:

"My wife and I found that when looking for a future spouse, most people tend to put the focus on the other person, instead of themselves. The issue isn’t about finding the one, it’s about being the one."

This reminded me that be happy on your own first. We have our family who supports us, friends who cares for us. Use these love to inspire yourself to be a better person.

There are still a lot of things in my to do list that I have to do. I'd still like to look for a more regular shift job, something that'll be a better fit for me. A change of environment is good. I think it's about time I go for it. I'd also like to continue learning more about stock trading. I've been meeting new faces in the trading world, and it's been a great ride so far.

There's just so much that I want, and I want to do. So much more. Maybe I ought to list it down to make it more concrete. Bo Sanchez suggests writing these down to. And then crossing it out one at a time. Next thing you know, you've accomplished them all already.

I'd like to give myself a pat on the back. I think I deserve it. :)