Article: The Line Between Giving Up and Acceptance

Here's an interesting article I chanced upon early this morning. The title pretty much says it all: The Line Between Giving Up and Acceptance

Here's a two paragraph excerpt that pretty much sums up the whole article.

It became clear to me when I was recently talking with a friend who was agonizing over what to do about a two-year relationship she was in that was laced with conflict and overall pain. She voiced the elevated mantra that so many of us live by as she was debating on what to do next. She said, “I just think that this is worth fighting for, and that if we really love each other it will all work out in the end.” It kind of sounds like those Idol wannabes who think their singing careers are warpaths to be fought rather than elegance to be revealed. It sounds so noble; how can you argue with that kind of fierce desire and commitment?

Well never fear, I found a way. I looked at her with total clarity in my eyes and said, “There comes a point in life when what we are pursuing stops becoming an investment of our time and instead becomes a waste of our time. And it is our responsibility to figure out where that point is and do what needs to be done to change courses.” She looked at me kind of like someone who just saw a possum in the middle of the road with it’s big pink eyes staring in their headlights. You may not know what look I’m talking about, but it’s not a good one.

One may agree or disagree with the author's point. Me, coming from a somewhat similar situation, I can relate to it and I do slightly agree with it. But I think as women though, we are more inclined to be emotionally attached to the whole relationship. We are stronger, thus we attempt to make it work more so, than men. When a man says no, that's probably the end of it. When a woman says no, you can still work your way around to changing her mind. I may be wrong though.

Ultimately in the end, these things, it's always easier said than done. And if getting out of a stagnant and unhealthy relationship means getting hurt, maybe that's what we really have to experience first hand, head on. I did.

Stop fighting for them when all you’re doing is fighting. And start fighting for them when all you’re doing is waiting for the life you long for to magically land in your lap.

To be honest, I do miss being in a relationship at times. But I don't really see the need to get into one now. I meet new people. I can work on myself, prepare myself so that when the right one comes passing by, I will be ready this time around.

In the meantime, I can live my jetsetter life without having to worry about leaving someone behind over and over again. :) Planning to do some nice trips this year - East Coast Canada, Australia are my targets.

Looking forward to a good and fruitful 2011! Cheers!

reposting an excerpt that I just love

Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that What has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person.

Nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, But simply because that no longer fits your life.

Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.

Stop being who you were, and change into what you are.

- Excerpt from Closing Cycle.

3rd day in Hongkong Realization.

I went to Hongkong to get away from everything. To forget about everything that happened the past couple of weeks. I thought that going to HK would've been liberating for me, facing the what could've been, without him, and enjoying it without him. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed this trip very much (with my mother and brother), but every now and then, I have been faced with the reminders of what the hell happened to me and him. And it makes me so sad and disappointed.

Not to dwell on it, but maybe going to HK made me realize that maybe all along, I was just attempting to go with the flow, and I am not really trying to move on at all. Maybe that's why I am still hung up on everything's that's happened. So I think it's about time I exert a wee bit more effort on it.

And I need to pray more.
These relapses have got to stop. NOW.

Edit / Add on:
Technically, today is the 4th day in HK, but I just have to share some more thoughts. I woke up this morning feeling slightly still imbalanced by all the feelings and thoughts that rush out. But instead of pondering on these thoughts and feelings, I opened my book - EAT PRAY LOVE, and in chapter 56 - Liz Gilbert talked about Vispassana.

Vispassana is a meditation technique where basically what you do is meditate, just sit, and you're not even allowed to move an inch, even if it means trying to get out of an uncomfortable position.

So Liz was trying this new meditiation out while she's in India. She decides, ok, why not try it out at dusk. Just as she was just into her meditation, she starts getting bitten by mosquitos. She asks herself, was this the right time to even attempt vispassana? But then, she later realizes, when is it actually a good time to go through the discomforts of life, similar to what she's experiencing at that moment)?

Further, she shares that what if we just sit through an hour of this discomfort? If we can sit through this hour, then what other discomforts can we go through as well? What about emotional discomforts - probably the hardest to make your way through.

So Liz successfully sits through an hour of stillness, and after which, assessess the damage - received 20 mosquito bites, but eventually they disappear. I guess Liz's point is that, all these discomforts we go through in life, they're temporary. Sit through it, feel the pain until it eventually is just some sensation. And later on you'd realize that it's over. All these pain, it'll eventually go away.

Moving On List

As part of my moving on and changing series, here's what I have done so far:

1. Start working out (even hired a Personal Trainer)!
2. Had a new haircut! (I love it!)
3. Updated my resume - sent out three applications today!

More things I'd like to do:
1. Clean my closet
2. Clear out everything related to that relationship
3. Start looking for some other activity to keep me busy

Vday Surprise

Chase's been out of town for the past few days so I was actually quite disappointed that I haven't seen him for quite a while, and that even though Valentine's day is overrated, I still wanted to see him, even if though we don't really celebrate this occassion.

And so it's valentine's day, and he sent me a msg that he'll be back in Manila by 6pm. So I told him my meeting's running a little long and I'd probably be staying later than usual in the office since I'm quite delayed with the module that I am working on.

I think I got home around 9:30 pm already and to my surprise, Chase was there!! Waiting for me this whole time! Turns out, he's been in Manila since this afternoon, dropped by Dangwa to buy a bouquet of roses, and asked my parents if he could surprise me tonight. Haha funny. Of all the days, it was today that I decided to stay late in the office. It was really sweet of him to wait all this time. He told me he's been in the house at around 5:30 pm. He just waited, had dinner with my parents, waited and waited till I got home. And he gave me these:



I love this guy. This is the first time he was able to surprise me! He always tries to but I somehow manage to squeeze it out from him before the actual surprise!

And he even knows one of the few material things that actually make me smile.... newly undiscovered Pringles flavors!!! He apparently got it from some imported goods stuff while he was in Clark.



Pringlessssss

great day

Chase and I had a breakfast date early this morning given that I am on leave and his work schedule for the week is from 2pm to 10pm. It was a nice day all in all. We had breakfast, talked and talked, afterwards, he got hooked playing his rubik's cube while I ended up playing this flash game in his ultra high end pc. At around 12 pm, we headed out to Robinson's Place to buy some stuff he needed for work, and 5 more rubik's cubes that his friends from work asked him to buy (apparently this toy is only abundant in Toy Kingdom). We were in a hurry since he had to be in the office by two pm. So we just had a light and quick lunch at Sbarro (his treat!). Afterwards, he dropped me off at LRT station and then sped off to work (he was still 30 minutes late for work though).

I guess, I have to say, spending time together doesn't always have to be eating in expensive restaurants and all. A simple meal, or maybe a simple chat is already a great time, as long as we get to talk and all. I believe our relationship has matured for the past two and a half years. It's a different story now altogether. And the good thing is, we're really both happy.

thanks abro

My programmer friend Abro messaged me earlier about getting the new template for the website we are developing. Since he works in Makati, and I in Ortigas, I usually ask him to give the materials to Chase so that Chase can hand it over to me when we meet up. This time, I had to hesitate and told him that it would be best if I get the materials from him myself.

Abro, the ever sensitive guy asked if things were ok. I didn't tell him anything, just told him that just some serious stuff has happened recently, and if I'm ready, maybe, just maybe, I'd share it to him so that I can just get it out of my system.

And I was really touched by what he said afterwards... almost brought me to tears.

Abro: "...but i can keep u company if you need some to talk to"
Me: "Thanks Abro, I really appreciate it."
Abro: "gaganti ako dun sa friendship na binigay mo nung nagccrumble ang mundo ko"

During times like this, it's really heartwarming to know that you have friends who will be there for you no matter what happens, which makes you want to be there for them even more when they are also in need.

Love Lost.

I always thought he was the one.

I never thought that in a relationship, you reach this point where things just go idle. Who's to blame? He probably wants his life back. Tells me that this thing, this issue with have, isn't fixable anymore. That was a heart crushing statement. I was hoping to make things right, given the right time and space. However, that wasn't what I got. If one side of the party doesn't make it work, then the whole relationship isn't going to work. Who am I to force the situation?

I felt so sad last night, that when he left after we talked, that was when I literally broke down, in the car crying. Just like one of those television or movie scenes where it's pouring rain outside and there goes one of the lead characters in the show/movie, crying over a guy.

I guess love's just not enough to make it work.

And if indeed this is not fixable, then I guess I better start trying to move on.

How? Maybe I'd better start doing what I've postponed doing for quite a while, since it will require a lot of time and effort for me. Right, maybe I should start doing that already.

But still in my heart, I know, this decision we made, or maybe the decision I had to agree on is a decision I'm going to regret this forever.

I'd always love Chase no matter what. It may not be the right time, it may not be the best time, etc etc... those are just excuses for in the end, my heart will still be hurting for a very long time.

Yellow Rose

Chase surprised me last week with a single yellow long stemmed rose he bought from Holland Tulips to celebrate our 23rd month of togetherness last June 28, 2007.



Flower's a little off though, as I took the picture two days late.

Yellow means friendship right? :) If there's another thing I've gotten to really appreciate with this relationship, it's the friendship that we have as well.